fuck.

i constantly get the feeling that i'm being fucked over by someone, anyone. it could be my best friend in the whole world and i could happen to love them to death but i still feel like i'm being used. why? i'll tell you.

i used to be head over heels in love with this boy, and we were in love deeply. but one day some girl decided to rip it apart & i did try and be friends with him & try to keep a friendship going with him even though i still had an emmence amount of feelings for him. needless to say, it didn't work. i couldn't put those feelings as side long enough to be his friend & watch him sleep around & act like it wasn't a big deal.

that's not my fault if my morals & ethics think it's wrong, it was the way i was brought up & i stick by those two like it's my job. anyways, he came down for a show here & there was this girl who was dubbed a 'whore' by my friends but the only reason is, is that she earned that reputation. it wasn't something we just pinned on her since day one. so hence forth, i went out to my car & apparently those two decided to be all over each other in the lobby of the hall. whatever. that's their choice.

i just feel that if you're going to be my ex boyfriend, you're not going to try & do stuff with my friends. i also feel that if you're going to try & be my friend, you don't cross the boundaries & do stuff with my ex boyfriend. that's just my point of view on it. so whatever, i called her on her actions & i called him on it too, both of them denying it.

it's been sixteen days since i left a year and a half relationship & a 7 year friendship behind with him.

it was the beginning of something that never even started with her.

i just want someone who i can trust with everything & not worry about being fucked over in the end because all my friendships have been that way.

it's karma - whatever goes around comes around & i treated those two like gold.

when will i get what i deserve?

i dont know.